always and forever: September 2010

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I fear death,

I fear it, just like how I need air to breathe

I'm terrified every time I go to the doctor's

I'm scared he will tell me something has happened

I'm scared when I have headaches, muscle aches,

a slight pain, blood anywhere.

can you understand that?

you just get scared.

and I don't want to be the cause of that fear

but I need to see this in writing.

I hate blood tests,

I hate having to do them every other month

I hate that I go up in red spots.

I hate that I don't feel normal.

You can't understand that.

You can never understand that.

because you don't have that problem.

I do.

You're not in my position,

I am.

And I hate it.

I know people aren't given cross to big for them to carry.

but there are days, that it feels too big

too heavy, too difficult.

you can sympathize, but you can't understand that can you?

I'm scared. And you can't help me with that.