always and forever: You don't get to just leave and think it will be alright

Thursday, July 8, 2010

one year down the road,

and i find that I blame you,

maybe I always have,

When we had the wake,

I cried because it was sad.

When we were at the crematorium,

I cried because of the finality of it.

One year down the road.

And I cry,

because you chose this

and we the living

have to clean up this huge big mess that you create

and it's not fair.

I wish I could look at her

and not blame her for what has happened

not look at him and think he could have done better

not look at all three of them

and wonder what the heck were all of you thinking

because their laden with guilt,

their self hate, the sadness.

it's heartbreaking

and yet.

I still can't help but blame them

you chose this selfish path

you broke so many hearts doing what you did

so you don't get to leave

and think everything is going to be better.

because everything is not better.

because every year,

at this same time

I will have to go for a memorial service

and I shouldn't have too.

You shouldn't have chosen that path.

it's not fair.